Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) at Lori Kimmerly Therapy, Renton WA and online across Washington

Break the Cycle and Rebuild Emotional Connection

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples, individuals, and families stop the pattern that keeps them stuck and find their way back to each other. It is one of the most researched approaches in couples and family therapy, grounded in attachment science — and it is typically a structured, shorter-term therapy, with many couples working in weekly sessions over a few months rather than years.

In person in Renton, WA · Online throughout Washington · Most insurance accepted

In Short

In person in Renton, WA
Online throughout Washington
Most insurance accepted
Self-pay $50–$175

Insurance

Premera, Cigna, Aetna, Kaiser, Molina, Coordinated Care, Community Health Plan, WellPoint, TriCare, United.

Availability

Now accepting new clients — in person and online.
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From Our Blog

Healing Trauma Through Connection
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What Is Emotionally Focused Therapy?

The negative cycle — not your partner — is the enemy. EFT interrupts the loop so you can reach each other again.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a structured, short-term approach developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. It is grounded in attachment science — the idea that we are wired to need close, safe emotional bonds, and that most conflict is really a response to feeling disconnected or unsafe with someone who matters. EFT helps you see the cycle you get stuck in, understand what is driving it underneath the surface argument, and build new, safer ways of reaching for each other. It is used with couples, individuals, and families.

You and your partner keep having the same argument, just about different topics
One of you pursues and the other withdraws, and neither of you can stop it mid-fight
You feel more like roommates or co-parents than partners
You are rebuilding trust after a breach or a difficult period
You notice the same relationship pattern repeating with different people
Your family gets stuck in blame or shutdown instead of working through problems
You want to strengthen an already-good relationship before a big life change

The EFT Cycle

Sue Johnson’s three stages of Emotionally Focused Therapy, step by step.

You and your therapist map the negative cycle you get stuck in — who pursues, who withdraws — and start to see it as the real enemy, not each other.

You begin reaching for each other differently, sharing the softer feelings underneath anger or distance, and responding to what’s really going on.

New patterns of connection get stronger and more automatic, and you build a shared story for how you’ll handle conflict going forward.

How EFT Works

EFT follows a clear, research-backed path: nine steps organized into three stages — de-escalation (steps 1–4), restructuring the bond (steps 5–7), and consolidation (steps 8–9). You will not move through them on a fixed schedule — your therapist paces the work around what you and your relationship actually need.

Stage 1: De-escalation

The first stage is about slowing the cycle down enough to see it clearly. Instead of getting swept up in the same fight, you start to recognize the pattern — who pursues, who withdraws, what triggers it — and understand the attachment fear underneath it (fear of not mattering, fear of being too much, fear of being alone).

Often helps with

Arguments that spiral before you can stop them
Feeling like you are on opposite teams
Not understanding why small things trigger big reactions

Stage 2: Restructuring Interactions

Once the cycle is slower and clearer, you start reaching for each other differently — sharing the softer feelings underneath the anger or distance (hurt, fear, longing) instead of the defended version. This is where new, safer emotional responses start to replace the old pattern.

Often helps with

Saying what you actually feel, not just what you are angry about
Learning to ask for what you need directly
Creating moments of real emotional response, not just calm

Stage 3: Consolidation

In the final stage, the new pattern gets practiced and reinforced until it holds on its own — including under stress. You leave with a shared understanding of your old cycle, a felt sense of what a secure connection with each other feels like, and tools to catch yourselves if the old pattern starts to creep back in.

Often helps with

Making gains stick after therapy ends
Handling future conflict without falling back into old patterns
Feeling like a team again, even under pressure

More About EFT

For the researchers among you — open any of these.

The science behind EFT: adult attachment

EFT rests on a simple, well-studied premise: adult love runs on the same attachment wiring as the parent-child bond. When that bond feels threatened — unreachable partner, unanswered reach — we protest, pursue, or shut down, not because we are dysfunctional but because we are wired to protect the connection. Dr. Sue Johnson’s insight was to treat those maddening fights as attachment protests, and to work on the bond instead of the argument.

What does an EFT session actually feel like?

Slower than a normal argument, on purpose. Your therapist tracks the cycle as it happens live, pauses the escalation, and helps one of you find and say the softer thing underneath — then helps the other actually hear it. These structured moments of reaching and responding, called enactments, are where the new pattern gets built. It can feel awkward, then vulnerable, then — often quite suddenly — different.

Who is EFT right for — and when is it not the fit?

EFT fits distressed couples across the spectrum, including after betrayal when both partners want repair, and couples who feel more like polite roommates than enemies. It is not the starting place where there is ongoing violence, active untreated addiction, or a hidden continuing affair — those need their own supports first, and we will say so honestly and help you find them.

EFT beyond couples: EFIT and EFFT

The same attachment science drives Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) — working with your relationship to your own emotions and needs — and Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT), which repairs the reach-and-respond cycle between parents and children. If couples work is not what you need, the model still may be.

What to Expect: Your First Session and Beyond

1Reach out

Fill out the contact form or call the office. We’ll match you with a therapist who fits and schedule a complimentary consultation.

2First session

Your therapist gets to know you (and your partner or family, if applicable) — what brought you in and what you want to be different.

3Early sessions

Together you start naming the cycle you get stuck in (Stage 1: De-escalation) before working on new ways of reaching for each other.

4Ongoing work

Sessions continue at a pace that works for you — usually weekly to start — moving through Restructuring and Consolidation as the new pattern takes hold.

Who EFT Is For

EFT was developed for couples — dating, engaged, or decades into a marriage — and has since been adapted for individuals and families

1You and your partner keep having the same fight

ApplicationEFT for CouplesThe original, most-researched use of EFT — built to interrupt exactly this pattern.

2You struggle with anxious or avoidant patterns in relationships generally

ApplicationEFT for IndividualsAttachment-focused individual work on the patterns that show up across your relationships.

3Family members are stuck in blame, shutdown, or distance

ApplicationEFT for FamiliesAdapted to help family members reach for each other instead of defending against each other.

4Rebuilding after infidelity or a broken promise

ApplicationEFT With Structured RepairTrust comes back in steps you can both feel, not just an apology.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?

EFT is a structured therapy approach, developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, grounded in attachment science. It helps you see the negative cycle you are stuck in, understand the attachment fears driving it, and build new, safer ways of connecting emotionally.

Is EFT only for couples?

No. EFT was originally developed for couples and remains most researched there, but it has been adapted for individuals working on attachment patterns (EFIT — Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy) and for families stuck in cycles of blame or distance (EFFT — Emotionally Focused Family Therapy).

How is EFT different from other couples therapy?

EFT focuses specifically on the emotional bond and attachment needs underneath conflict, rather than just communication skills or problem-solving. It follows a structured, research-validated three-stage model.

Is this the same as EFT tapping?

No — two very different things share the initials. Emotionally Focused Therapy (what we offer) is an attachment-based talk therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson for couples, individuals, and families. EFT “tapping” refers to Emotional Freedom Techniques, an unrelated practice involving tapping on acupressure points. If you are looking for help with your relationship, Emotionally Focused Therapy is the one backed by decades of couples-therapy outcome research.

Is EFT related to the book “Hold Me Tight”?

Yes. Hold Me Tight is Dr. Sue Johnson’s bestselling book that brings Emotionally Focused Therapy to general readers — its seven conversations walk couples through the same attachment science an EFT therapist uses in session. Many couples read it alongside therapy; it pairs naturally with the work we do here.

How long does EFT take?

EFT is designed as a short-term therapy — typically 8–20 sessions. Many couples notice a difference within a few months of consistent sessions; rebuilding after a significant breach of trust usually takes longer. Your therapist will review progress with you as you go.

Does insurance cover EFT?

Often, though coverage for relationship-focused therapy varies more than it does for individual therapy. We accept Premera, Cigna, Aetna, Kaiser, Molina, Coordinated Care, Community Health Plan, WellPoint, TriCare and United. Contact us and we will check your specific plan before you book.

Is online EFT as effective as in person?

Yes. Telehealth uses the same structured approach, and many clients find it easier to attend consistently when they do not have to coordinate travel. We offer online sessions throughout Washington.

Is what I share in EFT sessions confidential?

Yes — the same confidentiality protections that apply to individual therapy apply here. For couples and families, many therapists use a “no secrets” approach, where anything shared individually may inform the joint work. Your therapist will walk you through their specific approach to confidentiality before you begin.